youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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