Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
