omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ladies don't puke and tell
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Couch. On fire.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
