Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
