he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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