my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Less talking, more tequila
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
