i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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