cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
