every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
