He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
