saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
