it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
