I didn't shave. On purpose
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
