My Higher Power is John Stamos
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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