I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
