please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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