Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
