Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
