Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
