3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
