I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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