I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
