i jhust puked up my retainher.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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