The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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