I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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