I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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