from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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