Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
