The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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