i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
