So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
