I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i am craving dick and cupcakes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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