a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
