Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
