that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
