You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
