What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
