Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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