he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
