My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
