Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
