she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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