someone get that fucking seahorse.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
