Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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