Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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