Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
