never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
