I must be too annoying 4 u.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
