using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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