The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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