You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
