Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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