I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
